I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
