ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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