i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
