I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
