its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize