shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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