i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
