Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
