I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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