Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
