I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
