Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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