is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
