ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
