Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
