i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Still dying that you shit outside
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
