The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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