So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dicks are not precious.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
