I just made out with a guy for $7.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
