She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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