I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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