Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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