he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My cat gives me a boner
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
