The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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