You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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