How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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