I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
