took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
