Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
