I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
well you can't waste a boner
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize