..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
