He felt like a one man threesome
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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