he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Green mimosas i think yes
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize