i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
