Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
