I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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