And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
