just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
