her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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