I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
