We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
