I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
All the doctor said was why
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
