i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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