We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
