i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
