so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize