I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
