So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
