I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
