Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
