i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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