i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
