; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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