Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
