I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
