It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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