ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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