he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
