I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
