So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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