What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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