So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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