I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
