So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
