C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
