Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
