woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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